For the past few weeks, I have been experiencing what I can only call "the end of searching." I have nothing to compare it to. It's about stopping the search for books, methods, experiences, teachers...anything that says "what you have so far is not
enough - try this" - and actually stopping. It's a very unfamiliar feeling, a strange but surprisingly not empty feeling. Rather I have a fullness inside that doesn't need anything else because it's unfolding of its own accord and the richness of that unfolding
is new in every moment/
Then I fall back and search amazon.ca or hear of a book and go look for it - but only half-heartedly, out of old habits whose energy is dying. Or I remember an old friend from whom I haven't heard in awhile and
think "I should call" (an old impulse) but when I stay with that thought rather than act on it, the thought dissipates. Something deep and big inside is changing. It is more restful, not lonely, but very unfamiliar yet, very open, full and strange.